My Support System
by ShiverMeFunzies
Summary: JD is stretching himself thin to be there for his friends. Will they even realize how much he needs them. Or will JD succeed in making everyone believe that he is alrght? Lots of JDA
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hi everyone, this is my first Scrubs fic. So please review, but don't kill me. I just felt like writing this because "My perspective" really bothered me. I felt that there was something wrong with JD, for accepting his friends' behavior. I thought that it should have affected him differently. But then, I figured that maybe taking it to the other extreme might show JD's misery more effectively.**

**PS I don't own Scrubs or its characters **

The past couple of weeks or even months had been extremely hard for me. I had lost my baby because of my girlfriend's miscarriage, then I lost my girlfriend, lost my home and then found out that I had a medical condition that made me pass out while pooping. Things had become so depressing that I had started to rely entirely on my friends for moral support. It turns out thats not always a good idea. It was brought to my attention that I had in fact become a burden on my friends, apparently I was doing that for the past six years without realizing it. The time had come for a change. I was going to set things right, for my friends at least, if not for myself. Instead of being the guy who needed support, I planned on being the guy to provide the support. I felt really bad for dumping myself on everyone, its not like they didn't have lives of their own to deal with. Turk and Carla were trying to find a balance in their lives with full time jobs and Izzie. Elliot was trying to stabilize her new relationship with Keith and Dr Cox was just…Dr Cox, who knew what his problem was. All I knew was that the only one who could help me was me, and if I could just find a way to get past my own troubles, I might finally find a way to be a friend to my friends.

The truth of the matter was that my life was so distraught, that I just wanted an excuse to not think about it. Thinking about myself had become too much of a chore, so I was going to think about others instead. It was all part of the plan of helping myself...in the grand scheme of things.

My first order of business was keeping up pretenses that my own problems were either not important or non-existent. That was easier to do once I finally found an apartment for myself. I mean, its hard to believe that the guy living in a tent on a porch was doing okay, when its minus five degrees outside. After that though, most of my friends seemed to worry about me less. Which stung as much as it was a relief. I was glad on one hand that I didn't seem that big of a looser anymore, but I also missed them worrying over me. I couldn't stop myself from needing other people to care, even if I was trying to get them not to.

The next step to my plan was to stop discussing my problems with my friends. It came somewhat as a surprise to me while I was taped to the ceiling of the cafeteria, that my friends didn't actually want to listen to me go on about my pathetic life all the time. So I decided that they would never again have to zone out while I bitched and moaned about how lonely I was. Hey, If I didn't want to think about it, I couldn't blame them for not wanting to hear about it. Besides, the only person who is allowed to zone out of a conversation, is me. Still, this was actually hard for me to do, because I was so used to pouring out my feelings to people, that keeping everything inside actually hurt my tummy. I couldn't help but notice though, that no one else seemed to miss my "one-on-one JD talk time". But that was ok, I guess, it was all part of the plan.

The next step was to find ways in which I could help ease out the stress from the people around me. Turk was the easiest, all I had to do was be my goofy self, play the happy-go lucky-friend and he was happy. He needed his inner child to come out sometimes, and for that, I was his go-to guy. Of course, there was also baby-sitting Izzie so that Turk and Carla could have some alone time, which was also fine because I loved that little girl to bits.

For Carla, I had to be the guy who helped her deal with Turk and his strange ways. Whenever she needed someone to listen or give advise on Turk, I was her man. I mean who knew him better than me? She was a close second, but I did know him longer. Which I never fail to point out of course.

Elliot, the beautiful and neurotic person that she was, required a little bit more commitment on my part. For her I decided to switch shifts with Keith, and sometimes take his patients so that he and Elliot could spend more time together. This was not a very big sacrifice when it came to my own personal life, since I had none, but it was emotionally taxing because I still did not consider Keith to be a friend. But to see her happy, I was willing to pay the price. After all, I was the one who broke her heart, it was the least I could do.

Now we come to the slightly hard part, Dr Cox. Dr Cox, doesn't have one consistent problem, his problems are infinite in nature. So to help him, I had to be more elusive. The one thing that I did figure out after six years is that, there was a big chance that he didn't care about me, and that if he did. he wasn't ready to show it. So, I had to stop being the needie kid, and let him have his space when he needed it. After all, I was pushing all my other needs aside, why not this one? So, I stopped bothering him with all my "be my mentor" talk. Even though it was still true that I wish he considered me as a son, but never again would I let him see that. I also realized that Dr Cox, didn't rant because he was mad, but because he really enjoyed it, so I decided to give him as much opportunity to do so. My self esteem had already reached a point of no return, there was no harm in letting him play with it anymore. Also, I realized that there were times, few and far between, when Dr. Cox, let on what was really bothering him. Its at these times, when my window of opportunity appeared, to give him some sort of advice. Strangely, at these rare occasions, he actually tends to accept whatever I say. So I made it my endeavor, to look for those opportunities, which mostly occurred after a few drinks at the bar. So, sometimes, when I didn't have a shift and timings coincided, I would joun Dr Cox "accidentally" at the bar and listen to him talk. This was tricky because I had to stop myself for spilling all my problems to him, all the while pretending to be there for reasons other than trying to fix his life. Dr. Cox wasn't big on accepting help or showing that he needed any. So anything I did, had to be a round about way of help.

_Imagines himself running circles around Dr Cox yelling "peanut butter and jelly!" Peanut butter and jelly. by the way you should try to control you temper" "peanut butter and Jelly." Before Dr. Cox wacks him with a baceball bat_

I always liked that song...Anyway. I even felt that I could help out the Janitor. He seemed to take immense pleasure in ruining my life, and I realized that this made him feel like he had a real purpose in life. So, instead of resisting it, I just let him do what he wanted.

The only other people I had anything of myself left to give to, were my parents, and to them I gave every waking moment of my time, that I could possible give. For them, I kept a smile on my lips, a comforting touch and anything else they would ask of me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a saint, I'm not completely selfless and I'm not trying to be a martyr. The truth is, that I have just given up on my life so completely, that the only way to stay alive, is to live for other people. I've pushed myself into this rut that I can't get out of, and instead of trying, I'm ignoring it so that other people can get something out of my miserable existence. I want to forget that I'm alone, and to do that, I have to surround myself with the people I love, even if having them around only causes me more pain. So yes, thats been my plan for the past few weeks, and its working. I'm still lonely inside, but on the outside, at least I'm not isolated.

**A/N I hope you liked it. I want to write more, about how the others become so dependent on JD but don't realize how deep his own problems are. But if no one like this one, I won't go on. Do let me know. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews! I hope the new chapter doesn't disappoint. Do let me know how it goes. **

**PS, I made an error in the last chapter, JD was talking about his patients, not his parents, when he thinks that he has to give them all the time he has to spare. **

Elliot's POV

I can't believe it! Things are finally starting to look up for me. I've got a great job, I'm making good bucks, I don't have Dr Kelso breathing down my neck anymore, and my hot booty call intern has turned out to be an awesome boyfriend. I guess my "crying-in-the-closet days are finally over. The best part of all though is that by some luck, Keith and I seem to have all the time in the world when we want to be together. Somehow we always have the same shifts and get off at the same time. I don't have to juggle my time to be with him and that has taken so much of the pressure off. Someone up there loves me again!

Even my friends seem to be in a better place these days. JD has stopped whining and has finally gotten his life back together. It's strange but he seems to come out a lot stronger from all his experiences of the past few weeks. It's nice to see that having to baby-sit him for the past few years have finally paid off. He needed a break in life, and God knows, the rest of us certainly needed a break from all the depression. I mean, it's not like the whole world had come crumbling down on him in the first place, but that's JD: Always dramatic. Anyways, things seem to be back on track now, and I'm just glad about that.

Right now, I'm sitting in the cafeteria with Turk, Carla and Keith and I can't think of a single thing that might be wrong in life. It's a strange feeling but I could get used to it. As I peck on my seizer salad, I can see JD walking towards our table from the end of the hall. He catches my eye, and his signature goofy smile explodes across his face. Only, I thought I caught a wierd expression on him a spit second before he noticed me. I can't put a finger on what that expression was; just that it didn't belong there. But as he waves awkwardly to Turk, before sitting down, I realize that it was just my imagination.

"Hey C-bear."

"Hey Vanilla bear!" Turk replied, pausing only a second before resuming to scarf down his Turkey sandwich.

"Hey, ladies." JD nodded to me, Carla and Keith. Frick, he made fun of Keith, I should deffend him...but I just can't be bothered right now. Besides, Carla beat me to it and took control of the conversation.

"Bambi, thank god you're here. Can you take this his husband of mine away for the night? My aunt is coming over and I just want things to go smoothly."

"You actually have to ask them to spend time together?" I piped in, highly amused at the idea. Normally Carla has to ask Turk not to spend time with JD so that they can spend time together. Besides, that was my pay back to JD! Ha, I made fun of your boyfriend! Take that...anyway...

"Baby! First of all, I find it offensive that you would think I'd cause trouble with your aunt. Second of all, THANK YOU!" Turk seems so relieved, cleching his hands in gratitude, it's actually quite funny.

"So chocolate bear. What do you wanna do tonight?"

"I though we'd rent Die Hard and just chill at your place doing guy stuff."

"Yea absolutely, guy stuff." JD nodded emphatically, apparently sharing some unknown secret with his man friend.

I could see Carla role her eyes dramatically from where she sat. "You mean rent Gilmore girls season set, make popcorn and profess you undying love for each other?"

"Lorelai is so pretty!" JD admitted, before he did his typical head tilt and went off on a tangent. I bet he was dreaming about Loren Graham and him talking really fast with each other in stars Hollow. Hey, he made me watch the show when we were dating. He even wanted me to be Lorelai in one of his sex fantasies. Thank god, we didn't last long enough for that happen.

Carla's POV

I'm so glad Bambi is doing better. It feels good to see him cheerful again. Especially because I've realized that his moods affect everything else in all our lives, even my relationship with Turk. Being the best friend, Turk ends up taking the maximum brunt of JD's brooding and spends all the time he should be spending we me and Izzie, instead with JD. I'm not saying its JD's fault for being upset the way he was, I just feel that sometimes JD's troubles need to take a back seat in Turk's life, when faced with me and Izzie. Even so, having JD as Turk's friends definitely has its advantages. He can deal with Turk's crazy side for me. Lately, whenever I have a problem in my married life that stems for misunderstandings, JD seems to have come through in so many ways. He seems to understand Turk in a way I can only hope to, and I do really appreciate his input. The best part is that he knows a lot of my own issues as well, since we've all lived together, so its a lot more effective when he knows whats going on, on both sides. In many ways, he's taken on my role as problem solver. I should probably be careful about that, can't let him steal my thunder.

He's not only my husbands friend though. He's my Bambi and our friendship is unique too. I always felt that mothering JD was my obligation, but in truth, I just love doing it, and he lets me. He lets me remind him when to eat, to take a break, to breathe and sometimes, to just go home. I know he knows I thrive on it, and it makes me feel important when I get to be the "care taker". Strangely, I've been having to say all these things quite often in the past few weeks. He seems to be working a lot more shifts than he did before, and hardly ever takes a break during his shift. Even when he is in the cafeteria, I barely see him eating anything.

Like right now for instance, we've been sitting here for the past twenty minutes and JD hasn't gotten up to get a tray of food yet. Looking at him now, he even seems a little anemic. Has he lost weight? Come to think of it, why is his face so haggard? Why haven't I noticed any of this before? I'm just about to comment, when he gets up from the table.

"I gatta go check on a patient. I'll see you guys later. T-man, my place at 9?"

"For shizzle J-dog."

"For shizzle my nizzle" Bambi replies, in his "wannabe" black sort of way, before he walks away from the table.

All thoughts of Bambi's unhealthy lifestyle are forgotten once Keith asks me about how Izzie is doing. I never thought I'd be the kind of mother who brags about their kids, but I can't seem to help it. Having her say the words "mama" and "dada" took s much effort on my part that it seems like she won the Nobel Peace Prize or something.

JD's POV

I feel like my body is shutting down on me. I've been in the hospital for 36 hours now. But only 27 of those were official shifts. I've been on automatic for so long, I just keep seeing one patient after the other. I didn't even realize that my shift was over until it was too late to go home. I just kept going after that because I was too tired to stop. I only got two hours of sleep before my new shift started this morning. Its lucky for me Carla and Dr Cox only started their shifts a couple of hours ago, or else I would have been busted. Only trouble is, I was hoping to turn in early tonight, but it turns out, that's not going to happen. Turk's coming over to my place to relax for a bit. I want to spend time with, not only because I want to be there for him, but I honestly miss our time together as roommates. I wish the timing was better though, I'm going to need a whole lot more coffee, if I'm going to stay up long enough to see this through. Coffee, now there's something to think about. It seems that's the only thing I had in my body for the past two days. They should make coffee into a food group by itself. In fact it should be in every type of food.

_Imagines sitting in the restaurant and ordering food. Can I get the coffee chicken, coffee soup, mocha bread and expressoice ice cream? Then after eating everything, he begins to run around the room with super speed, before taking off into space, while the superman soundtrack plays behind him. _

I bet that's how superman got his powers. Anyway, I'm finding it hard to stay on my feet right now, and every muscle in my body is aching from all the work, falling on wet and sign-less floors and basically all sorts of physical agony. This, like many others before it, is going to be a bad day. Only thing I hope is that nothing goes wrong because of me, for my patients. Not only will I disappoint Dr Cox to the point of no return, I'll never live it down. So for them, and then for my best friend, I have to keep myself going as though nothing is wrong. I think I might even become good at being "fine" if I keep going the way I am.

Only problem is, I'm not fine, I'm miserable, and lonely, and afraid. And no matter how hard I try, every second of my day is spent suppressing these feelings. All I can manage is to try and convincing myself and others that I'm actually okay, if only for a little while.

A/N Hey guys, I know this wasn't as great, but I just wanted to show you were JD's friends are at, for the moment. The really big ones in next chapter are going to be Dr Cox and Janitor, maybe a bit of Turk POVs. A lot more self decoction and Angst in store. Do review though, so I know that people are still reading.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Thank you so much for your review everyone. Please keep them coming, it helps me write faster, or else I loose my motivation. Here is the next installment. I hope you like it. **

JD's POV.

As a doctor, patience is always a handy virtue to have. I however, think I'm just about all out. This day is going so horribly wrong that I don't think I'll last long enough to see it through. A patient of mine just died, because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. Not only do I feel bad because she was so young, I feel like its because of my incompetence that it happened. As I've mentioned before, I'm severely sleep deprived, and I can bet my next paycheck that its why I couldn't diagnose her. So the short of it is that I killed a 10 year old girl because I didn't have the good sense to get a full night's rest. Just great.

As I sit alone in the launge, flipping through channels. I feel that pent up anger bubble up from inside of me. Why can't I get myself together? What's wrong with me? When I really think about it, there isn't any real reason for me to be this dysfunctional. Yes, my girlfriend had a miscarriage, but its not like I was sure I even wanted to be a father. I never even got to know "it" and I don't think I really miss it enough to be the sole cause of my undoing. Yes, my girlfriend left me, what's new in that. _Mentally imagines every girl in the world walking away from him, telling him. "its not you, its me".or "Tumhari galti nahi hai mert hai." I don't even know Hindi. He yells at the indian babe who just left him and joined the never ending line of girls who dumped him. _Yes, it sucks to be dumped, but like I said, been there, done that, way too many times for it to make this big a dent. I even have a new apartment now, and everything is fine. Then why do I feel this way and why is it making me act so…crazy? I think I know the answer to that but it makes me sound even more immature or just insane in the membrane. I'm mad at myself for not being mad at my friends. When I needed them the most, my friends were fighting amonst each other about who should take care of me. Like I was a burden to them. For the first time in my life, I feel REALLY abandoned, and because I can't deal with it, I want to get their respect back by doing everything I can to not be a burden on them. So instead of confronting them, I'm actually making their lives easier by shutting out every part of myself. I'm not doing myself any favors, I know that, but for some reason I'm hell bent on doing other people favors. So yes, I'm mad at myself, because I can't deal with my abandonment like a normal person. I can't handle the fact that at the point where I have nothing to loose, I still keep finding things to loose, and then I end up losing them. I'm so messed up. The sad part of it though is that, I love my friends, no matter what they think of me, and I can't get myself to set things right, so I have no choice but to do exactly what I'm doing right now.

In a perfect world, my friends would stick by me no matter what, and unconditionally. Not because they are obliged to, but because they genuinely care. This is not the perfect world though, and I can't blame anyone for that. So I'm just going to continue destrying my life in this twisted "other people come first" sort of way, because I can only blame myself for everything that does and doesn't happen in my life. So, the bottom line here is that not only am I screwed, I'm screwing up lives of patients. I need to get out of here before I kill someone else. I can't take care of anyone today, I'm just going to end up hurting others. Like I always do. I'm JD, class a looser, can't take care of myself, can't take care of others, can't do my job and basically can't stop being a burden no matter what I do. As I'm thinking about leaving right now, I already know Dr Cox is going to have to take my cases. Keith might not get to go for his dinner with Elliot because of me either. I'm such a total looser, but if I stay, in this condition, there is just no telling what will happen. I can't play with lives like that. I gatta go.

……………………

Janitor's POV

Life is good. I've got Dorean right where I want him. In fact I've gotten him so many times in the past few weeks, its actually given me a high. I'm serious, I sat there for 3 hours staring at his body print on the floor last week, after I got him to trip over my broom and into a pile of dirt outside the hospital. Ah, that was a good day. My plan to systematically break his spirit, has finally started to work. He has not clue how to beat me. God, I think I might tear up at the thought of him bowing down to my superiority. He thinks he's all that because he's a doctor and I'm a janitor. Well, he's got another thing coming.

Today is going to be a special treat. I've gotten the prank of a lifetime set up just for my little friend. I hope he cries. I always enjoy it when people cry. Not the ones I like, like Blonde Doctor, people like Dorean. OK, mainly just him, maybe his black friend too. Anyway, this is going to be great. Here he comes. Oh he looks distracted. Perfect! But honestly, has he learned nothing in the past six years. You never get distracted when leaving the hospital, especially if the janitor doesn't like you. But oh well, his stupidity works for me. Now, all he has to do is get onto is scooter and drive. The chain I have attached to it will yank him, and then my good friend from the cafeteria will drive the truck by, and bam!...collision. Its gonna hurt, but he'll live. I'm going to enjoy this.

There, he's getting started and hasn't noticed the chain…good good.

Oh no! The truck is too slow…he's gonna get run over! Noooooo!

CRASH

Dear god, his body rolled over on top of the bumper and then back down. He's not moving! Shit!

"JD!" I yell, running to his side. He doesn't respond, and for a split second I fear the worst. But then, a moan escapes his girly lips, and I'm so relieved I could hig him. But I don't of course.

His eyes are clenched shut so tight, I'm afraid he might make them bleed. Speaking of blood, there is some trickling down his mouth. That bothers me but I'm not sure if that's something to worry about or not. He could have just bit his tongue. Nothing else seems broken on the outside. Except that he clutching his ribcage like nothing else in the world. His leg is in a funny position too, unnatural. Mostly cuts and bruises otherwose. But who knows what's happening inside. My heart begins to pound at the idea. Something is wrong, more so than usual.

"JD, you ok?"

"Janitor?" He ask softly, without opening his eyes.

"You hurt?" I ask, stupidly, of course he is. I was trying to judge how badly but I just can't seem to form the right words. It seems he's having the same problem.

"I..(cough) urm yes. ( cough) a little." More blood seems to pour out of his mouth at each cough. My hands start to shake. This is all my fault. How could I be so stupid. This was dangerous and I knew it. Why don't I think these things through? I could have killed him. I still might.

People are beginning to gather around. I hear someone bringing a stretcher. I'm glad we're still in the Hospital parking lot. I don't even want to think about how bad this could have been if we weren't.

……………………

Dr Cox's POV

I can't put my finger on it but something is off with Emma. She's been acting weird all month. For starters, she actually turned me down when I "The mentor" asked to take her for dinner to "talk". Something I bet she would have given an arm, a leg and breasts for only a few days before. She hasn't given me glazed over puppy faces lately, nor has she followed me around like the good little girl she normally is. This should make me feel downright ecstatic because, dear god did I deserve a break from all the constant whining and bitching and basically using up my precious brain cells for blocking out irrelevant information, but I don't feel that way at ll. I guess I got used to Newbie rattling on about himself, it made for good background noise and I had plenty of material to mock him with. Only these days, he's been distant, and for some reason always around when I need to blow off steam. Its not like I haven't noticed that when ever I get particularly mad, he "magically appears." So that I can rant. I see the resigned acceptance on his face, like he's okay with me insulting him. He's figured me out, he knows that I need to do it, and is letting me, for some unknown reason. Not only that, it seems that he's Mr fixer upper these days. I find myself subconsciously listening to him every time I need someone to show me the proverbial mirror. Even more so than Carla. I don't know why I do it, its not like his opinion really matters, and I'm not delusional enough to think that he actually knows me. No one knows me, I am No-ohho-hot predictable. All the same though, he seems to know what's wrong, and these days his "wisdom" isn't attached to proclamations of undying love, or invitations to slumber parties or playing catch. All in all, he's acting weird and its sort of unnerving. How do you deal with a Newbie who's doing exactly what you think you want? I don't even know if I like him this sorted out. Except that I don't think he's sorted out at all. Between all the girlie noises, goofy gestures, bad hair and all that Jazz, JD used to be an optimistic and dare I say, happy person. Now, even though all the rest of the stuff still persists annoyingly, I can tell that all the optimism is gone. There are times when he thinks no one is watching, when his eyes become so sad and lonely, that it actually scares me. I've seen him lonely and sad before, but never has it been a secret. I didn't think Marry-anne was capable of secrets. So what's changed?

I have no clue, and god forbid I even have to ask. I'll just let it simmer for a bit, before an intervention has to take place. Right now though, I've just found out that he's lost a patient, a little girl. And her postmortem reports suggest a really rare desease that there was no way in hell he could have caught. Hell I don't think anyone here would have, but of course he'll beat himself up about it. He's a good kid that way, takes things hard but always bounces back. I just have to make sure he keeps bouncing back this time too, I can't work with this new unpredictable Newbie.

I'm about to go look for him when Carla come running in.

"Dr Cox!"

"What now! I was this close to going ten minutes without being interrupted…"

"Its Bambi. He had an accident." I don't even register what she's saying, but my feet seem to be running in her direction on their own.

"What happened?" I ask, trying my best to sound professional and not like a worried dad.

Tears are running down he cheeks as she speaks. "He's got hit by a truck in the parking lot. He's got a bunch of broken ribs for sure, is coughing up blood and is having trouble breathing." She says, while both of us quickly make our way towards ER.

God Newbie, what did you do this time? You better not be hurt top bad, or I'll force feed you my stethoscope for breakfast. You're not allowed to get hurt, we don't have that kind of luxury. We're doctors, we're supposed to take care of people. Did ya miss that lecture while you went ahead and daydreamed about princes on white horses during med school? God, I'm talking to myself during a mad dash, could I be more insane? That's a page out of Newbie's book though isn't it. All the talking in the head and zoning out. He better be Okay or I'll kill someone. Maybe that asshole who ran him over.

………………..

Turk's POV.

This can't be happening! This is not supposed to happen. Everything was going just fine. My life was perfect ten minutes ago. I was having a great day, my baby was whispering sweet something somethings in my ear on the nurse's station, I had a successful heart transplant surgery and my best friend had not been hit by a frigging truck. Why the hell does this knda stuff have to happen when things are finally looking up for JD? We were supposed to have a guys night in today, and for once, it wasn't because I had to take care of him. He was doing fine and we were actually going to have fun, maybe even play foot or finger. Now, I'm standing outside the ICU ward, watching Carla, Dr Cox and Elliot, stabilize him. He had been conscious when they brought him in. He even waved to me, and smiled. But once they got him into the ward, he went into cardiac arrest. Apparently a broken rib has nicked his arteries. I'm the surgeon on duty, so I'll probably be doing his surgery in a few minutes. This is just so surreal. Its not like an appendectomy, so many things can go wrong with open heart surgery. I'm scared for my V-bear. And most of all, I'm scared I might screw this up and take my best friend's life.

Why do thing like this happen to JD? I can't stop asking myself that. Hasn't he suffered through enough. Is someone up there punishing me for not wanting to take care of him when he was down? I know that I was being selfish, but I couldn't help it. I'm not as strong as JD is. Actually, I've never given him the credit he deserves. He's a much stronger person than any of us. He has pulled himself together from a lot of things, and all he asks is that we support and encourage him. Why was that so hard? He's never complained when I complain about marriage, having kids, Dr, Wen yelling at me and god knows how much more. In fact, he listens to everything I say for as long as I need to talk. He always has. He does that for everyone around here. We always take him for granted. That he'll always take care of us, when we need help, but when it comes to him, we all think we're doing him a big favor. Hell, that's what friends do right? Take care of each other? Oh god JD. I'm so sorry! Don't do anything stupid and die on me man. Please, I love you Vanilla Bear…in a manly way. Don't do this to me.

**A/N: I hope this was ok. please review, I get lazy when I think no one's reading. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Hey guys, I know I make lots of errors and stuff but I don't have anyone to proofread my stuff at the moment, and I wanna update as soon as I can. So I'm really sorry about all the typos, I'm trying to be as careful as possible. Here is the next installment, I hope its ok. Please keep reviewing, it REALLY helps with staying on task. **

JD's POV- at the time of the accident

I just need to get the hell out of this place. Go home; take a warm bath and sleep. Maybe mmmm I hope I still have that mango body butter at home. _Imagines lying in a tub of mango body butter, licking it off the side off the tub. _God, I need some time to myself. Its not like giving my time to others has done any good. OK just stop JD, thinking about what kind a total failure you are isn't helping anyone. Just go home and things will be okay in the morning.

Ahh…Sasha (scooter)…you're always waiting for me. At least you love me, you never let me down.

(The chain that's hooked onto a pole behind the scooter yanks and JD goes flying off his seat)

Except for today…Oh God oh God this is going to hurt!

BANG

I think I was out for a few seconds. I'm pretty sure I hit the truck but I don't remember doing it. Everything hurts. I might be on fire, or is that my chest. I can't tell. Definitely broken a few ribs, there is just no way I haven't. God, it hurts. I can't breathe.

"JD!"

Is that the Janitor? I think I asked that out loud. Of course it is the Janitor; this was all part of the prank. He must be so smug right now. Gotta give him credit, he went all out this time. My voice sounds weird; I meant that to be much louder. I do sound like a girl sometimes. I'm so glad Dr Cox isn't here right now. Wow…pain…everywhere.

My mouth feels funny, like someone melted copper into my it. That's blood! Not good. Pain everywhere, mouth bleeding equals very bad for JD. What else is wrong? There's gravel under my butt, my leg...really hurts, stomach hurts, head hurts, arm hurts…I think my eye brows even hurt. I should panic at this point, but strangely, I find all this comical. I mean what a way to end the crappiest day of all. Someone up there REALLY hates me.

Oh…Janitor is still talking. What? Oh, of course I'm hurt, what is he blind? I don't have the strength to insult him right now, though I'd be within my right to. Wow, words aren't forming right at the moment, what with all the coughing up blood and lack of breathing. I'm so screwed, its not even funny. Well, maybe a little funny. I must be concussed; I'm finding my possible death funny. Although, given the conclusion of the day's events, can you blame me? Crappy personal life, crappy professional life, crappy relationship with family and now with friends. I've got all the motivations to jump off a cliff, but it looks like I don't need to bother. Maybe someone up there is doing me a favor, who knows.

Oh good, more people are here. I'm trying to open my eyes to see what's going on, but that makes me feel icky. Hmm, being lifted by a bunch of people is strange, and really painful. Its like being carried away in a concert, but more organized, and makes you feel like crap instead of on top of the world.

I see the Janitor standing next to the stretcher, explaining what happened to some doctor who I've met but don't remember the name of. He looks scared; maybe he thinks he's getting fired. I hope not, I know he didn't mean all this to happen. He's crazy but not murderous. He looks seriously freaked out though. I feel bad for him; it always sucks when pranks go down badly. Maybe I should tell him that its ok. But then I don't think I have the strength right now. Maybe later, if there is a later.

We're in the hospital now, and Turk and Carla have just emerged above me. Wow, its weird to see people from this angle. You can see up their nose. Turk looks scared too. I've never seen him like this. That worries me just a little bit. Not so much for myself, which in itself is disturbing, but for him. I don't know, I don't associate that look with my c-bear much, so it makes me anxious. I feel the need to reassure him. I give him a small wave with my good arm and smile just a little. He seems to get the message that I'm ok. I don't know if he believes me, but I guess it helps him in some way. Carla is saying something but all of a sudden I can't hear her. Then my vision begins to blur and I know I'm going to pass out. The last thing I see before everything goes blank is Carla's sad eyes. Don't be sad Carla, everything is okay.

……………….

Dr Cox

No No No Dammit Newbie. You are not going to do this to me. Do you hear me? No dying! Come on, you make that heart of yours work or I swear to god, I'll call you every girls name in the world right here right now. This damn defibulator is messed up. All its doing is making your body jerk, that for some reason bothers me. You look so lifeless right now. You're always so girlie and energetic, you lying like this lifeless, being electrocuted by this machine just doesn't seem right. You my friend are the most annoying human being in the world, you talk till I want to kill myself, zone out and go on tangents during my rants, follow me everywhere, tell me how to make my life better and most of all force me to care about you. So now you win okay. I do care about you, so be a good giel and own up to it. Don't lay there like a sack of potatoes. "Breathe Damn you! JD, Breathe!" I can't help it, the more I use this darn device, the more I find the chances of you making it slip by. Come on! Come on, do something….

"Yes!" Barbie says in her annoying shrill voice. "There is a heart beat. BP stabilizing, so is the heart beat." I'm so relived, I might just hurl. My hands fly to the back of my head. That was close.

"Prep him for Surgery, I'll go tell Gandhi."

There is Gandhi staring up at me from the observation window.

As I walk towards him, I'm overwhelmed by how close we came to loosing one of the most talented doctors and the most frustratingly caring man I've ever had the privilege to meet.

"Oh Ghandaru, you girlfriend is stable, its your turn to do your thing. Don't screw this up, or I will kill you." I'm not joking this time; I don't want to think about JD dying. After Ben, he's the only one I can actually rely on; life is not going to screw me over one more time. Its just not how things are supposed to work.

Now, where is that Janitor, he's got some explaining to do? It better be good because this time, I'm going to skin him alive, if I find out that he did this on purpose.

……………………….

Turk

I don't even mind that Doctor Cox threatened me, honestly I feel the same way. I might not be able to survive if something happened to JD. I need him, so much more than I ever realized. He has been the most constant thing in my life. He's the guy that knows me better than anyone else in the world. He's the one I go to when Carla and I have issues, he's the one I go to when I need to forget about diabetes and work related tress. He makes me feel good about myself when I'm insecure. In fact, I respect his opinion above all. I care about what he thinks of me and of all people; he's the one person I can't afford to disappoint.

I'm afraid it's too late for that. I have disappointed him as a friend, and I can never forgive myself for that. How could I forget all the crap he's put himself through for my sake. When Carla and I got married, I should have been the one to move out. After all, I was subletting the apartment from him, but he never even asked. He moved out, because he wanted to give me and Carla space. He even lived in a freaking tent after Elliot made him move out. He was essentially homeless because of me and Carla, but he never even blamed us for it. What do I do in return? I have a bed pan race with Elliot because I'm to tired of being a friend to the one guy in the world, I should have been ready to give anything for. Some best friend I turned out to be. And now, he might just be on his death bed, and I have the power to save him or possibly kill him. I can't let him down this time though. He's going to be fine! Nothing is going to happen to my Vanilla Bear.

………………….

Janitor

I can't seem to stop shaking. I've been sitting outside the OR for almost an hour now, and my stupid hands are shaking as if I had a bath in coffee. I haven't even had a single cup today. Weird. Kelso has walked by a couple of times and yelled about something that needs to be cleaned. I can't seem to get up. Not that I want to, but even if I did, I probably wouldn't be able to. Blonde doctor and Carla keep dropping in every five minutes. I bet they aren't getting any work done like this either. Oh well, at least I'm not the only one. But then, I'm responsible for all this mess, I don't have to compare myself to these guys. They don't have to deal with the kind of guilt I feel. I'm going straight to hell for this one. The sad part is, I don't even know why I tortured him so much. I guess it was my twisted way of reaching out to him. He seemed to be the only one who actually wanted me to be friends with him. Even though he was a high and mighty doctor. Its not because he wants to be liked either, he actually cares about most people. I guess its some weird childhood insecurity of his, that he is always compelled to make friends where ever he goes. But I always knew that he is just that sort of person, the good kind, who keeps trying to work on a relationship no matter how bizarre or painful it is. Its not like I didn't know that he always had this strange hope that we could be friends, I liked to play with it most of the time. Underneath it all though, I always though that this was the basis of our friendship. This game we played. Now, its not a game anymore. I may have killed him and in dong that I've most probably lost my job, my freedom and worst of all, a really genuine friend. He won't even get to find out that I liked him. I really did. I just showed it in a way that was…lets just say unconventional. Its weird how he's stuck with people who express their affection in hurtful ways. I always tried to brake his spirit and hurt him physically, Cox always berated him and tried to squash his self esteem and Blonde doctor dangles herself in front of him only to be with someone else. I mean come on, we all know they both like each other, but they just don't seem to realize it. His life must suck, and I never made it easier.

Cox is coming this way, he looks pissed off. His eyes are so angry; I physically squirm underneath his gaze.

"You rat bastard what the hell did you do! What is this some big joke? Did you fry your brain in the heat and imagine that Lillian is a broom that you managed to sweep the floor with after you crushed his body so tat it would swell up to fit your giant hand? Why don't you do this whole hospital a favor and get a real good psyche examination. Because I'm no expert, but I'm thinking killing someone for the kicks might be a little bit wacko. Maybe that square shaped head of yours doesn't know how to deal with how truly worthless your actual job is, so it made up this imaginary world in which torturing Kelly has become your new job in life. I don't know. But I do know one thing, if that kid doesn't survive, I can guarantee one thing for sure, you're not going to be mopping the insides of a very small, very stinky prison cell for the rest of your miserable life."

Wow, how does he talk that fast for that long and still look that scary. I can't blame him though. I've been thinking the same thing ever since this whole nightmare began. I don't even know what to say to him. So I just lower my gaze and nod. I'm so sorry about this; I don't think there is any way to be more sorry. God what have I done?

**A/N: I hope its ok. As always, please review so that I know where you guys stand about the chapter. **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Hey guys, he's the next chapter. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW. I really need the feedback. **

Elliot's POV

I can't believe all this just happened in one day. A few hours ago we were all sitting around in the cafeteria discussing movies and JD and Turk were singing the shaft song in really high pitched voices, and now I'm not even sure JD is going last the next hour. How does that work out? That's just fricking stupid! Life is not supposed to be this random. How am I supposed to deal with this? JD's not just my best friend, he's my on again, off again guy. I mean yea, I'm going out with Keith, but the sexual tension is always there! I mean come on, you don't just have great sex with each other a gazillion times and then completely lose the attraction because of…I don't even know what. I don't love him like that, I know that, but JD and I can't ever be just friends. We're always going to be a little bit more and I've come to rely on that. I need him to be there for me like he always is, no matter what goes on in our personal lives. I guess I never realized how needie I am when it comes to his friendship. He was the first one in this hospital to extend their friendship to me, even though he did want to sleep with me in the beginning, but he stuck around even when I was mean to him. In fact, he always seems to have my back no matter what I do to him. Like when I slept with him and dumped him for Sean the same night, he never told Sean what happened because he truly cares about me. Yes, he did hurt me after that, but if there's one thing I know, its that he didn't want to, and that he did everything he could to make things better between us. I can't say I've always returned the favor. I mean I've been there for him, but not as selflessly as he has. I mean, I kicked him out of our apartment, even though I could have waited for him to get a new place to stay first, and then when all hell broke loose on him, I bickered and fought with Turk so that I wouldn't have to listen to him talk. What kind of a person does that to their best friend? Am I that self centered? In fact everyone made is seem like JD was this little kid that we were all tired of taking care of, but that's not true at all. JD has always been the guy who fixes things for all of us. When ever I had a fight with Carla, JD always tried to put in a good word for me. He even refused Dr Cox's "command" so that I could get a chance to work with him. He never tells me these things, but word gets around. I've been such an idiot. I should have thought of all these things a long time ago and I should have been there for him. He must have felt so betrayed by us, by me. If I really think about it, JD hasn't really said anything about anything at all lately. No discussion on his feelings, no clue about how his personal life is going, no mention of how lonely he is or anything that is to do with his life outside Sacred Heard. Does he think that we don't want to listen to him anymore? Oh god! What kind of crap must he have been going through, before his accident? Fricking Frick! I've been such an idiot, I should have figured out that something was wrong. JD is the most expressive person in the world, why didn't I notice that he suddenly went from super-talkative to completely closed up about his personal life in one day. That is so not a coinkidink! God JD, don't punish me for being self observed, please. Don't die because I was a horrible friend. I won't ever be able to forgive myself.

I can't take this anymore, I've been trying to do my paperwork for the past hour, and all I've done is made sad faces on top of my reports. I need to be with JD right now, where I should have been a long time ago.

…………………

Carla's POV

Its been a couple of hours since JD got out of surgery. I don't even want t think about the look I saw on Turk's face when he came out of the OR. He looked so haunted, it made my heart sink. Apparently there were several complications during the surgery and we almost lost Bambi. The artery was fixed, but his lung collapsed during the procedure. I think that's where the real panic set in for Turk. I'm pretty sure, they weren't prepared to operate for lung damage since they hadn't had time to diagnose it. So, they had to inflate it as well. It was a close call, and I think that has scared Turk more than he's willing to admit. We've all been sitting in the Doctor's lounge for the past half an hour, waiting for JD to wake up and Turk hasn't said one word to me. I'm so proud of my baby though, he handled this like a mature adult and didn't back down from doing one of the most difficult surgeries he's ever done. So much could have gone wrong today, but it didn't. Thank god. I don't know what I'd do without my Bambi. I need him here for the both of us. He's closer than family to us and I can't imagine how empty our lives would be without him. He makes me laugh when all the work gets too much to handle, treats me like I know everything, even though that's not always true, and helps me with Izzie whenever Turk and I want to be together and the babysitter is unavoidable. Most of all, though, he lets me be his friend in this special way that's got nothing to do with Turk and I. I'm not just his best friend's wife, I'm Carla Espinoza. And to Turk, well, he's everything to Turk. Sometimes I wish Turk loved me the way he does JD. I guess I've been a little unfair to JD because of that. I always make him feel like he's in the way of our relationship, but that's not true at all. JD has done nothing but helped in every way possible to make sure that Turk and I are happy.

Everyone is so quiet, its kind of eerie. If Bambi were here, he'd probably try consoling one or all of us, and make silly jokes to make us smile. He always tries so hard to keep everyone happy, why don't we do the same for him? Sometimes I feel that he deserves better friends than us.

Oh, look, Dr Cox just came in, I get the feeling that the silence is about to be broken. He has his rant face on. I'm going to miss that silence, I have no doubt. And there he goes…

"Oh, did someone forget to invite me to this suck fest? I was so looking forward to all the moping and crying and hugging and kissing. Oh wait, but I have other things to do, like taking care of patients and a certain annoying little girl who I'm going to call Tinker bell, what with all the flying around the parking lot. Not his brightest moment, but then, that's Tinkerbell for you. Anyhow, I thought you clowns might want to know, Newbie's developed an infection!"

I think my heart actuall stopped for a second.

"What? How did that happen?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe because his body has become so weak, that his immune system isn't all one hundred percent. Say did any of you notice that Newbie…oh I don't know. Exhausting himself to death? No? Well I think between the five of us, we could be the world's most ignorant people, don't you think? I mean god, Calrla, you' re a nurse, you handle all the charts, did you happen to notice that Newbie was pulling three shifts in a row for the past two weeks? And Barbie, gosh how is that sex life with that intern boy going? Did you honestly think you were that lucky, that he ALWAYS had co-insiding shifts to suit your dating purposes? Yea that's right, Newbie took over all the patients for Keith whenever you had plans and stayed here way past his bedtime doing your boyfriend's work. Oh and Turk, your so called best friend didn't happen to mention that he wasn't getting enough rest in his time off because he was baby sitting your little girl did he? Come to think of it, for all the time you idiots spend in the cafeteria, how many times did you actually see him eatin the past couple of days? And me…well I out did myself this time. He calls me his bloody mentor and I didn't even bother talking to him about any of the things I actually bothered to notice. And you, I hope you realize that all this is your fault. Your stupid obsession with his misery might cost him his life. I hope yore' happy Janitor, co I'm going to make sure you're never happy again. But hey, good for all of us, we decided that we didn't want to take care of JD, and apparently he decided that we needed to be taken care of. We did this to him dammit!" Perry yells, through his clipboard against the wall. The loud crashing noise of the metal is all that can be heard. The silence that follows is so deafening, it make my ears hurt.

We did this to Bambi. This is fates way of telling us we screwed up big time.

As I look around the room, I can see Elliot crying softly in the corner, Turk burying his face in his hands and the Janitor is just sitting there stunned. He's probably got a whole different list of things he's done to JD that I don't even want to know about. What are we going to do now? Be there for him, what else. If we can't be there for him now, then we might never get a chance to redeem ourselves to the one person who truly cares about all of us, way more than we ever realized.

"Ok that's enough people. Let's just get up, be the friends and professionals we were supposed to be a long time ago, and get Bambi back." I say, getting up from the couch. My role as a friend and an nurse has always been to tell people what to do, so now I'm going to do it.

Everyone seems to jolt out of their stupor at this, they seem more attentive all of a sudden.

"That's right, Dr Cox and Elliot, you're in change of dealing with this infection. I'm going to take care of his medication. Turk, you're going to sit with him whenever any of us are busy. And Janitor, you get your ass in there and apologize to him the minute he wakes up. In fact, I think we all need to apologize to him. Now lets go."

JD is going to be just fine. His friends are back on his side now. He'll make it, for all our sakes.

TBC…one last chapter left.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews. They really help me write better, and make less mistakes. Enjoy the last chapter, I really hope you like it. **

JD's POV

It's really hot, and floaty. I feel like I'm floating on a cloud that's sitting in an oven. Huh…Maybe I'm dead and I went to heaven. Is heaven supposed to be hot? I thought it was all tropical weather…not too cool not to hot. I can't be in hell, I mean it's not enough that I had a crappy life that they have to put me through real hell as well? Speaking of which, it smells like sacred heart. That weird spell of disinfectant and medicine that I live and breathe all the time, is assaulting my nostrils right now. Maybe I'm not dead then. I'm in the hospital…what am I doing here? Did I sleep through a shift? Oh god, Dr Cox will eat me alive. I bolt upright, at the thought, but don't quite make it to a sitting position. In fact, by bolting upright, I pretty much mean jerking very slightly. I did put the effort into it though. Looking around, I can now see that I'm lying on a bed in one of the private patient rooms. For a second I'm confused about what's going on but then I remember everything. The little girl dying, the accident, the janitor, Turk and Carla's worried faces. Wow, it's so hot in here, I'm sweating all over. There's a dull ache in my chest and around my ribs. I can see that my leg is elevated, which sucks, I hate it when I can't walk. I know all the times when I'll actually want to dance, will be during the time when my leg is broken. It's just how my stupid life works. Anyway, other than these minor aches, nothing hurts too badly, even though I feel like every movement is like running a marathon. Just turning my head is tiring. I think I'm just going to lay here, looking to one side, its too difficult to move my head back now. At least it's the good side. I can see the door, and a very bald head that's lulling from side to side. Oh wait, that's Turk, he's sleeping on a chair. Ouch, that's going to hhhhhhhurt when he wakes up. I can see someone coming into the room, but my vision is a little blurry so I have no clue who it is, that's until..

"Good morning Miranda! How nice of you to visit us from that lovely little fairy tale world you so often spend your time in. Did your prince-si-poo give you a kissie kiss to wake you up?" He then looks around to Turk and then continues "Looks like you kissed him from the looks of it Jenny, he is now in fact the sleeping beauty. Which would make you the prince but that's just not right. Now, how's about you listen and listen really well because I will not say this again. If you pull a stunt like this again, and I swear newbie, I'll kill you with my own bare hands. Ya got that?"

"Stunt? What stunt?" I ask, All I did was wake up. And the accident was so not my fault. He can't chew me out for that.

"Lets see, getting hit by a truck, prior to which you were being a busy body and trying to do y-everything possible to tire your girlie little body out. Coincidentally, not eating, sleeping and basically spending all your time pulling the weight of our collective asses has now landed you with a first class infection, after breaking a leg, nicking an artery, breaking several ribs, a collapsed lung and a concussion. So I say it again, ya ever scare us like this, you won't live to tell the tale, and I'm going to make sure of that. Got it?"

How does he know all this…Wait, was he worried about me? Does he really care? He does care. I might get that hug after all! Dr Cox cares about me…he was actually scared for me. Dammit, this is so a dancing moment!

"I'm sorry" I say, but I'm not. It was so worth it. If almost getting myself killed can get Dr cox to care, then Janitor bring it on. You can practice all your elaborate pranks on me!

"Yes well, how about you put yourself to some use and help us fight this infection newbie. Its not like this hospital isn't a hell hole enough, without us having to deal with being short staffed because you can't get you sorry ass out of this bed."

"Oh…right. I will." I'm almost disappointed he said that, maybe he only cares about me because he's over worked when he has to pull my weight. He's turning to leave now but I can tell that he's got something on his mind. He's fighting with himself, trying to say something. I hope its not another rant. I think I might fall asleep again if he does. I feel the need to say this, because I feel like he deserves to know, specifically if he only needs me as a doctor.

"Dr Cox, the little girl that coded before my accident, that was my fault…"

"No it wasn't." He says simply. I just blink at him. That's not what I expected him to say at all. Then he continues. "The report that came back from her postmortem suggests that she had a rare blood disease that's only found in Cuba, There's no way you could have caught that in time.

"Oh" I did not know that. He turns his body half way around to leave again, and I just wish he would come back and give me a hug. But what he does say, makes me happier that I could ever be.

"Hey Newbie…welcome back" He says before turning around and leaving. I can't help but smile at this. He does care! Yes Dr Cox, I will be you Son! I know you wanted to ask me this but I understand anyways. It's the father and son connection!

Someone else just walked in. Oh its Carla, I know this because I can hear her shoes. She has this confident sort of noise that her shoes make when she walks.

"Hey Bambi" She says as she comes and stands right next to me. I can feel the warmth of her hand as she brushes it against my cheek. She does that when she's feeling particularly motherly.

"Hey Carla" I say softly. I'm just starting to hear myself properly and my voice sounds tired. Not horse but soft, like I'm whispering by default.

"How you feeling?" she asks softly, matching my voice.

"Tired, and really hot."

"That's the infection. But don't worry, we've got fluids pumping into you as we speak, you'll be fighting this off in no time." Her voice seems to crack. A flashback of her worried eyes comes back to me from before I went unconscious.

"Bambi, I'm so sorry! I've been such a horrible friend to you. I know you must have felt so abandoned because of Turk and I, but I promise you, things will change. Everything will be fine. We're here for you now ok?"

Wow, is she psychic? How did she know that was what I was feeling? Did I talk in my sleep or something? Oh Well, I'm just glad she's here now. That's all that matters.

"Its ok Carla. I'm sorry I scared you earlier. And I know I've been imposing myself on you guys…"

"No no, you haven't. Bambi, you've been the perfect friend from the beginning, we've been so preoccupied with our own lives that we started treating you badly. Right now, you just focus on becoming better ok, and when you get out of here, I promise you, you'll never feel alone or like you're imposing yourself on us ever again. We love you Bambi, you're our family and we'll take care of you, just like you've been doing for us!"

"Thanks Carla!" I can't believe this, its like a miracle. My life is finally getting out of the crapper.

"V-bear?" Oh Turk woke up!

"What's up brown bear?" I ask, again sounding like I have cotton stuffed in my mouth.

"How's my player?"

"On top of his game!" I say, mustering all the enthusiasm I can in my voice. It comes out sounding lame because my voice is still weak, or maybe because I'm white. Carla just nods at Turk and me and leaves the two of us alone.

Turk becomes all serious. He looks tired. "You okay brown bear?"

"Yea." He chuckle, in this humorless sort of way. Like I've said something ironic.

"Its funny that you should ask me that, when I haven't even bothered to ask you if you're okay for the past three weeks." Turk seems so depressed that I just want to give him a hug. I don't know how all my friends suddenly know exactly how I've been feeling, but I never wanted them to feel guilty about it. It's not really their fault that they have lives of their own and I don't.

"Hey, its ok buddy, you were busy, I get that."

"No man, its not even like that. I've been selfish and I'm sorry. You know I love you JD, in a non- gay way. And I don't ever want to lose you. Not because of some freak accident, and definitely not because I've been a horrible best friend."

"You haven't…"

"I have and I'm sorry but that's going to change. Just come back to us man. We miss you, I miss the JD who told me everything. I'm there for you buddy, just come back."

"Thanks" I can't honestly think of anything else to say. The truth is, I needed to hear this. I've been feeling so alone that I couldn't pull myself out of my own mess. I needed to know that my friends had my back. I guess that's all I need in life, things start to look so much better when I know I have people who care about me.

I didn't realize when I had fallen asleep, but the next time I wake up, It's dark in the room. I can't see very well and I'm still feeling a hot. The air in the room is some how less accessible to me than it was before. I feel like I have to think about breathing to actually breathe. The ache in my chest is back, and it's just a tad stronger than before. The morphine must be wearing off. Something else is different, but I can't put my finger on it. That is until it shifts a little. Someone is sleeping at the foot of my bed. All I can make out in the dark is blonde hair, contrasting the white bed sheets, but that's all the information I need.

"Elliot?" What is with my voice? Someone press the volume button please.

"JD?" Well at least her voice sounds a lot like mine, but that's her sleepy voice. I know that one for sure…so many wonderful mornings were spent submerged in dreams that were brought to reality by that voice.

"Hey, get your own bed, this one's taken." I say. I know I sound lame, but its gotta be seriously uncomfortable sleeping like that, with half her body on the floor.

"Oh JD, you're awake!" She says in a shrill voice, as she gets up and comes over to my side. As my eyes begin to adjust to the darkness, I can see her face more clearly. She looks so beautiful, but at the same time, more exhausted than I've ever seen her. Her eyes look puffy and there are tear tracks all over her cheeks. Her hair is a mess, with her bangs are covering most of her features. "How you feeling?" She asks, putting her freezing cold hand on my forehead. This time though, it's a welcome gesture, I'm so hot I could cook something on my head.

"Hot." I say simply. She nods in understanding.

"You still have a fever from the infection."

"Yea. What time is it?"

She looks at her watch and I wonder how she can make out the time in such darkness. They should make watches that ell you the time when you ask for it instead of looking at it. _Imagines a little gnome sitting on his writst. Hey, Mr. scuttle, what time is it? Go get a real watch asshole. _Maybe, they shouldn't have a personality though.

"Its just after 2 in the morning. It's been a day since your surgery."

"Elliot, go home. You shift ended ages ago." I say, genuinely concerned for her.

"I…" her voice breaks, and she begins to cry so hard, that I'm honestly shocked. I don't think I said anything t bring this on.

"Hey its ok…" I say, reaching up to her face to wipe away the new tear tracks that are brimming on her cheeks.

"No, I…I just can't stop thinking about what a close call this was." People keep saying that, but for some reason it's not hit me yet. I mean the feeling, not the truck. That so hit me

"JD…I'm soo…" oh God not another apology

"I know." I say, I really do. Some how, I know she has suddenly found a new appreciation for me and that she wants to apologize for whatever she thinks she's done to me. But I don't need to hear it. I just want her to be ok, and to be my friend like she used to be.

"No..I…" She's already having trouble with being coherent, so I decide to save her the trouble all together.

"Elliot. It's ok. I know." I say soothingly, and hope that my eyes are conveying the message clearly. She seems to understand, because she nods and then leans over to give me a kiss on my cheek.

"Thank you…for everything." She whispers in my ear. For some reason these simple words seem so erotic that I'm almost tempted to grab her face and kiss her passionately, But I remind myself that she's dating Keith and that I don't have the strength to do anything right now.

"What are friends for?" I say, with a small smile. She smiles back. She's going to be ok, I feel. Something in her whole demeanor seems to change now, I guess she's relieved that things are ok between us. I'm not sure why everyone thinks I despise them, but it's always nice to know that they care, whether I do or not.

We make small talk for a little bit, before I admit to being tired and slightly out of breath. She seems to make a few adjustments to all the equipment I'm attached to, that's just outside my line of vision, and suddenly I can't seem to keep my eyes open any longer. Oh, she kicked up the happy juice…I love you morphine.

………………

Everyone has come to visit me today, Laverne, Ted, Dr Kelso, Carla, Turk, Elliot and even Jordan. Dr Cox seems to be the most frequent visitor. He keeps coming in for something or other and seems to linger outside my door all the time. I don't think he realizes that I've noticed. I won't say anything, just in case he stops. My bedside table is now overflowing with flowers, chocolates and Cards. Turk even brought Rowdy in for a few minutes. I feel pretty good at the moment. The only person who hasn't come by, and I don't know why I expect him to, is the janitor. I've already told Ted that I don't want to press any charges and I requested that Dr Kelso not take any actions, not that I think he would have, but I just wanted to make sure. Of course, Dr. Kelso seems to think I'm a pansy, but what's new there? I've been staring at the sealing for a a good hour now, and am seriously bored, I'm just about to dose off when I see the Janitor walk in.

"Janitor!" I'm trying my best to sound like I'm happy to see him. I don't want him to think I hate him. I don't know why though, I'm pretty convinced he hates me. I wish I wasn't always trying to be so friendly, it doesn't work in my favor, but I can't change who I am. Stupid personality!

"uh.." He's shuffling his weight, is he nervous? He looks nervous, how odd. I never thought I'd live to see the day. "Look Dorian…I'm…uh.."

I wait for a few seconds, encouraging him to continue, but nothing happens.

"Listen Janitor. I know you didn't mean for this to happen. I also know that coming here and facing up to this is hard for you. So if you let me, I'm going to let you off the hook here. I know you don't like me, and you probably never will. That's something I have to deal with. But for now, I don't hate you, I wish you wouldn't do these things, because I'm not sure I can bounce back like you always expect me to, but I don't hate you for it. I hope some day you might hate me less, but again, that's just me. In the main time, lets just keep all the crazy stuff on the down low, I'm not sure I'm ready to be harassed yet, and I won't be able to stop Carla from hurting you if you try anything like this again. I know this sucks for you though. So don't worry. you're off the hook." I sound so magnanimous, but honestly, I just feel sorry for him.

"You don't get it!" He says, which surprises me, because I was expecting him to accept the fact that I wasn't going to crush his pride. "I'm not here just because I did this to you. Yea, I feel like something's eating me inside, but that's not just it. I don't…I don't hate you okay. I thought you knew that. I just…this is how I am…I can't be any other way. But I don't hate you, you think I'd spend so much time making you miserable if I actually hated you?"

"You know, that's a tough one"

"Ok fine, lets just lay this down nice in straight for ya. I don't hate you, but this is how I connect with you. " Somehow, this isn't news to me, and neither is this a bad thing.

"Okay." I say simply.

"And for what its worth, I don't think I can handle the more…extravagant pranks anyway. So, I sorry about that." He said SORRY! Wow, almost dying has really brought out the sensi side in people

"Yea, I'd like to keep my body intact from now on."

And then he said something, I only dreamt he would.

"So….we still friends?" He considers me a friend?!!! Janitor thinks I'm his friend. I need to do the happy dance right now!! This has to be the best day of my life! Only second to Dr Cox admitting that he cares about me, and some day I will get that hug, even if I have to fake my own funeral for it.

"Yea." I say, calmly, trying not to ruin this awesome moment. Then he nods and leaves. I watch his retreating back, and smile. Things are going to be a lot more different around here. That is until he turns right around, takes down my TV.

"Hey!" I say indignantly

"Its broken." He says, behind his back. Well, maybe not that different. However, I do notice that he's left me something on my bedside, that I hadn't noticed before. It's a penny, and for once I'm not afraid of it. I think he's just called a truce, even though he's probably still going to be the pain in the butt he normally is. Maybe, though, just maybe, I won't have to go through quite so many accidents around here anymore.

Yes, life was certainly good.

…………..

My fever broke that same night and the infection seemed to have worked its way out of my system. I was discharged the next day, but was put on total bed rest because of the pain in my lungs, which, not surprisingly, increased ten fold after I was taken off of morphine. Also, having a broken leg and coming our of major heat and lung surgeries meant, I wasn't going to be able to walk anyway. I was going to be on crutches for a while once my "lying on my butt" period was over. Even though all of this sucked, it was still a comfort to know that all my friends were there for me the whole time. I was still trying not to be a burden on any of them, but it seemed I had little say in all of it. People were constantly bickering about who got to take me with them. In fact, Elliot was not talking to Turk because he wasn't letting me stay with her. I, personally just wanted to go to my own bed, but it seemed that it wasn't an option.

Carla was in her ultra-motherly mode and there was just no arguing with her about anything. I was under her constant care, whenever she was not on a shift, and I felt like I was going to be smothered to death. Dr Cox, too seemed to be slightly jumpy around me, and would yell at people for being incompetent if I so much as sneezed. Elliot practically lived with me, Turk and Carla, for the few days that I was in their house. It felt good to be so taken care of.

In two weeks, when I finally got back to work, I only had a slight limp and my lungs seemed to be behaving themselves. Turk and Carla threw a big welcome back party in the cafeteria and everyone sang Journey for me! I admit that I was the loudest, but hey, its "Journey". In the next few days things settled down and everyone stopped expecting me to drop dead any second, which was a good thing because I was tired of being smothered. The thing that didn't change though was the feeling of having people around me that I could rely on. It was like we had all struck this balance, I made sure that I didn't constantly dump myself on my friends and made an effort to take care of them, and in return, they all made sure that they were there for me without me asking them to be there. Even the Janitor seemed to be doing his bit. He still pulled small pranks and made sure everyone else knew that we weren't friends, but there were the small gestures, like holding the door open, not pulling roadside pranks and occasionally smiling at me when I walked by.

Life was good. So good in fact that I realized that I didn't have much to complain about when it came right down to it. I had a great job, good friends and a good life. As for my love life, well, I still have a long life to live I hope, someone will come around. In the main time, I had a support system I could count on to keep me sane.

**A/N: I hope you liked this fic. Let me know what you though of everything. I'm going to start a new fic seen, so please review for this one and also tell me if you like something specific that I should continue in other fics. Thnk you so much for reading!  
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